Thursday, March 10, 2005

TV Cake

Lotsa TV in this entry. I finally saw that show Starlet a coupla days ago--not a bad reality show. I love Cecille, the South African one; I also like something about the Molly Ringwald girl--I was rooting for her, but she got booted. She seems like she's used to acting for the stage. Oh well. One thing I don't understand is WHY Vivica A. Fox is doing a reality show--she just came off Kill Bill v. 1, and other stuff I guess. I can't understand why she would agree to do a piddly reality show like that. I can understand Faye Dunaway, cux she hasn't done anything in a thousand years; or rather, she probably has, but I forgot about it. I guess this could be a new trend--if Vivica A. Fox is on a show, maybe Nicole Kidman or Uma Thurman is next. Or Brad Pitt or someone comparable. I suppose I'd have to try out for the show if someone like that were on it. It's a shame (or is it?) that the only reality shows people over 30 are shizz like The Apprentice and other ones I care less about. Here are some people I'd like to see on/do a reality show: Jim Carrey, Jocelyn Wildenstein (now THAT would rock), T.A.T.U., Yoko Ono, Thomas Pynchon (he'd always appear only in silhouette; the big drazmatic moment of the series could be when someone rushes him just to see his face), Jennifer Coolidge, and of course Elizabeth Wurtzel. Because you gots to have somoene crazy--maybe either her or that guy who wrote Electroboy, because they both have this enormous sense of their own self-importance. Li'l Kim might be cool for a show too, but only if it's a better produced one than that crappy Missy show.

Now for another show: America's Next Top Model. I love the stupidity of the premise of this show, that the winner could be the "next top model." Puh-leeze. And that carrot top color on Tyra Banks looks clownish, but perbably no one notices cux her breastses are so mammoth. If you watch this show, you're guaranteed at least 2 Victoria's Secret commercials and 2 Cover Girl commercials with the winner of the last Top Model, Eva, who doesn't look as pretty as she should. The only thing I have to say about this episode is that it was disappointing to see that really pretty blond girl get voted off, especially when she wasn't full of attitude like those other 2 girls.

Speaking of models, that PrimeTime thingo with the model who survived the tsunami: DAMNZBOT, she was pretty! They kept showing that picture of her right after the tsunami, looking gorgeous with a zillion broken bones and an abdomen full of blood (and a handful of phone numbers that was out of the frame). I wish I looked half that gorgeous, ever. I was disappointed that the interviewer never actually spoke the fact of the whole show: that this woman was so much better than the other survivors because she was a pretty model. I kept expecting her to say something like, "You saw people being swept away all around you. But they didn't matter, because you're a model." She never said it. Go figure. I'll say one thing about the model, though: maybe she should get fitted for new veneers, cux the ones she had seemed to force her expression into a smile, an effect that was a li'l grisly when she was talking about her dead boyfriend.

In other news, the Michael Jackson case is so obliquely interesting. Did you know they asked the accuser in the courtroom to point out Michael Jackson? Is there anyone on earth who couldn't point him out?! A blind person could point him out. No one on earth looks quite like him. The child raised an arm and said, "That's Michael Jackson. That white woman over there." I think he's innocent, however. Of the sexual molestation he's being accused of. My theory is that he was sleeping with these young boys to get their stem cells, cux somewhere on his body he's using them to grow new noses, since he apparently needs one every 3 weeks. It would be quite a TV coup if it were discovered that he's also giving some stem cells to Janice Dickinson to grow new skin on her face to lift. That would allow a great America's Next Top Model tie-in.

In non-TV thoughts, I realized today to much disturbment that I have never once jumped out of a cake. I guess I always thought I'd be jumping out of cakes every other weekend or so by this age, but somehow it never materialized. Although I don't see myself JUMPING out of cakes anymore; more like walking out of them (fully clothed, of course. DUH), probably carrying a smaller cake). I think I'll have to hole myself up for the entire weekend and figure out the precise moment when everything went wrong. But then that's kind of a pastime for me now, so what else is new...

And that's the beep for now, gbeepnerlets!

Ed Shepp

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