Friday, March 04, 2005

Dear Ed Shepp

QUICK NOTE: If anyone gets email from the address,, it's NOT from me. I do not use AOL.

I have nothing much to talk about today, so let's dip into the mailbag, shall we?

Dear Ed Shepp,

First of all, I'd like to say that life is so much more interesting and fulfilling when you're around. Your like a cup of jasmine tea with a shot of sunshine. Thanks for existing, Ed Shepp.

Second, I have a question! What is that soup you're loving so well right now called??

Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Denyckolas Quintraveous

Dear Denyckolas Quintraveous:

Wow! Thanks! I feel like Dickie Greenleaf! In fact, I'm actually sitting here in my chair just smiling, glowing in the knowledge that I bring so much love to the world! And a cup of jasmine & sunshine tea to boot! I hope it has whipped cream and bits of cow's tongue on top!!

As for your question, you must mean Italian Wedding [pronounced Eetalwan Wehwing], a soup I discovered in New York. It's a chicken soup with meatballs in it, and it rocks when it's made correctly. Luckily, you can sample it! Progresso has a soup out called Chickarina that is basically the same thing; the meatballs in it are too small, but it does the job.

Thanks for writing!

Dear Ed Shepp,

"How wonderful life is that Ed's in the world..." Thanks for shining your light on us, Ed Shepp. I have to agree with the first letter--life IS so much more fun when you're around! In fact, I agree with that statement so much that I've made it my mantra/koan, and I use it for meditation. When I don't say nam myo ho ren ge kyo, I chant Life Is So Much More Interesting When Ed Shepp Is Around. It just relaxes me, you know? And I swear, people get more interesting after I've chanted it! Really! Do you think I should add Bioyatches to the end of it, as in Life Is So Much More Interesting When Ed Shepp Is Around Bioyatches?

And what do you think of those walkie-talkie like mobile phones (like Boost)?

Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo Bye Bye,
Darquisha Dnez Rheante

Dear Darquisha Dnez Rheante,

Thanks for your kind comments, but I have to disagree with your addition of that word to your mantra. Bio-Yachts?!? What? It doesn't make any sense! It's like you've turned the phrase from something so oozing with logic that it's self-evident into something nonsensical, like an algebra problem. If you want to add something to your mantra, I'd suggest adding Uma Thurman, like I do when I chant nam myo ho ren ge kyo. Go ahead, try it: Life Is So Much More Interesting When Ed Shepp Is Around U Ma Thur Man. Now see? THAT makes sense.

As for those mobile phones, I'm dead against them! They're more annoying than regular cel phones, cux you have to hear BOTH ends of the conversation AND a stupid little beep in between! Couldn't it have been a quack instead of a beep? I bet Geico could do a tie-in with that---oh wait, they use a salamander now. Anyway, everyone who uses those phones should be sterilized, or at least assigned a health-food nut to follow them around for a week berating them for ingesting meat, sugar, caffeine and all that other stuff. I'm looking into legislation. (OK, not really. I realized that legislating REALLY cuts into sittin around time!)

Dear Ed Shepp,

You're like a moon pie filled with love and dipped in happiness. I loves you.

I wanted to ask you a question: What do you think about Glenn Close starring that show
The Shield?


P.S. Are there some new
Ed Shepp Exposes coming out soon??

Dear Bob,

Thanks. I've always thought of myself as said moon pie. I think Glenn Close being on a cop drazma is amazing! Unprecedented (I think)!!! She's amazing, so I know she'll turn the shizz out; I just can't believe she was cast. It's so cool. And with Bebe Neuwirth on the new Law & Order show, it looks like it's becoming a trend! What's next--Betty Buckley on CSI?!

And yes, there are some Ed Shepp Exposes in the works now, with other stuff. They should be out soon, hopefully sooner rather than later.

And that's the beep for now!

Ed Shepp


Jase said...

Hm.. very revealing, especially the picture where you look *exactly* like St. Nicolas!

But I think you're more like orange serbert. Delicious, sweet, and not as bad as ice cream. ;)

v.p. said...

Urm, I think I PACIFICALLY asked that you not print my letters to you... thanks a little. I'll bet you're even going to post this comment. See? I knew it.