Thursday, March 24, 2005

In the News...

I suppose I should say something about Terri Schiavo, as that's the big thing going around right now. Well the first thing I should probably say is that once again I'm embarrassed of myne home state, the kookland of Florida. Why couldn't this happen in Alabama, where you just assume people have no sense? It couldn't have happened in Texas, cux they execute people for farting at inappropriate times. So yeah, it shames part of me to have grown up in Florida. Another thing I should say at the outset is that I hate that people are pronouncing her name "shigh-voh" - from the looks of it, I'd think it'd be pronounced "shyah-vo"; maybe people are intending to pronounce it "shigh-eh-vo", which also would look right. Whatever, though. I'm sure Michael Schiavo knows how his name is supposed to be pronounced.

As far as resolving the conflict, I say let the people who are bringing her bread and water give it to her. It will choke her, and then I guess they'll figure out what the phrase "persistent vegetative state" means.

One thing has been bothering me, though, and it's something I found out recently: I'm disturbed by the fact that Michael Jackson is trying to buy her body after she dies; although I'm not sure which is actually more disconcerting--that or the fact that it's turned into a bidding war, with Fox bidding also to get the body so they can perform a live autopsy on national TV, at the end of which someone will win $1 million, although it's unclear exactly how. Add that to the fact that I saw the very feeding tube which had been disconnected from her on eBay this very day, and you have a very sick sad world situation indeed. Or as I like to say, injeej. Frankly, I don't see why Fox doesn't just offer her a sitcom--it could be an update of Facts of Life, except that she'd be playing the Mrs. Garrett role instead of the Jerri one (I met someone who knew someone who used to room with Jerri--apparently she's a slut. And don't let her hold a big knife when she's laughing either). The story could be told by the girls and at the end she could be wheeled in to give the summation. Someone could voice-over a phoneme and then all the girls could say, "Oh, Mrs. Garrett! What would we do without you?" Cue end music and laugh track.

In other news, I think I have another resolution. Someone was just telling me about a friend of hers who took a trip to Spain in June of some year; when she asked him about it recently, she had the date wrong, thinking he took the trip in October. He got offended, as if it's her job to keep up with his schedule. So I decided to make a point of getting offended when people forget things that I never told them that are in fact not even true. So if you're talking to me and I'm all aghast, saying something like "I can't BELIEVE you forgot when I took my trip to Copenhagen!" you'll know what the 'dealio' (as that one girl says on that reality show with Missy) is.

And that's the beep for now.

Ed Shepp

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