Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Attending All The Wrong Dinner Parties, or Passing Gas at All the Right Ones

First of all, some radio announcements: One, I should have noted that there were calls (and lots of e-pledges) when I was answering phones @ WFMU last Friday. It's just that due to my position in the phone queue, I didn't get to answer any. So they actually raised quite a good bit. Two, if you've had a cool dream lately and want to contribute it to a radio show, call the Dream Line @ (919)933-4307, because my friend PJ is doing a show about dreams on WXYC in Chapel Hill this Thursday from 9pm-midnight. Of course, if you want to call in live, there'll be a dream interpreter there to talk about your dream with. The number to call is (919)962-8989.

And now something that will help explain why New Yorkers are perceived as rude: Yesterday I was on my way to the Super Colon, when someone came up to me in the subway. It was a very nonthreatening, shy-looking man somewhere near my age. He was walking down the platform in my direction and I noticed him, and when he reached me he spoke to me. He was carrying a suitcase, so I thought he was going to ask me something about where the subway line ran, or how to get somewhere. But then he started speaking: "Excuse me... [something I didn't really catch--I think he said his name and that he was from Texas or something]" I wasn't extremely guarded cux I was pretty sure he was going to ask for directions, but then his pacing was a little slow and something seemed off; then I noticed that he had 3 or 4 small books in the hand he wasn't using to carry the suitcase. Immediately I cut him off and mumbled something like, "Sorry, no" as I was walking away; because I knew as soon as I saw those books that he was trying to proselytize for something, and I'm not going to listen to another one of those damn religious spiels again. I was actually quite proud of myself for noticing what was happening as quick as I did and not deciding to stand there for it. This is why that explains why New Yorkers come off as rude: people are always stopping you like that, in the subway, on the street, everywhere, to try to proselytize you or (most often) get you to give them money. It's always happening, and people use underhanded tactics when they do it--people come up to you in the guise of asking for directions or something harmless and then launch into their demand for money or whatever it is. (I should note that the prosyletizer probably wasn't intending to deceive me yesterday, but it still felt like an ambush.) Or people are just plain crazy. So in New York, you don't want to talk to anyone, cux you don't know what they're really up to. So if you're in New York and you go up to someone to ask for directions and they seem apprehensive or curt, that's why.

Now back to the Super Colon. I have to say, it was underwhelming. Although I did learn a little about colon health and got a nice awareness wristband. But I was expecting the colon to be bigger. Like 3 city blocks. And it wasn't. It was, well, small. If I were building a Super Colon, I would make sure that it spanned a huge area (I'd prolly put it in Central Park) and had lights and ooze and everything. And stuff moving through it, too! Like sawdust for fiber and the what not. And, well, that's all I had to say about it.

And I guess that's the beep for now, gnooplets.

Ed Shepp

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