Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Scandalous Rumours!


No one complained about this one.First off, let's air this out about the SCANDAL that rocked my blogiverse today. After a slew of negative comments on my nascent photoshop blog about the picture from yesterday's entry, calling it racist and offensive, I had to take the entry down from the photoshop blog. I left it up on this one, however, and I'd like to make a statement about the picture's supposed 'offensiveness': Exactly HOW is the picture offensive? If it were my face, no one would have considered it offensive at all, even with the 'secret love child of Claudia Schiffer' part. (The phrase secret love child: well, it would have to be a secret love child, now wouldn't it? If Claudia Schiffer had a daughter with someone, the world would already have known.) Furthermore, the friend I made it for thought it was hilarious! And other people of all shades found it funny as well! Perhaps all that vitriol came from people who didn't take the time to read that Jason loves Claudia Schiffer, and that's what occasioned my making of the picture anyway. I'm thinking that the person who made the initial comment must have been some rich, white college girl vying for the PC Homecoming Celebrated Person or something. At any rate, I may take the photoshop blog down, cux as I was creating it, it started to seem misguided--it sounds like it's a blog about Photoshop or something, but it's really just a place to gather my effected pix. Hmmmm... Moving on...

Someone please tell me when all the candlelight vigils and processions and rallies are in Union Square for Brad & Jen's breakup, because I haven't heard about them yet. They're probably already going on. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm going to see candles burning in huge saturation on every block, just like after 9/11. Probably groups of college kids gathering together and singing Against All Odds or My Heart Will Go On or If You're Not the One... Thank dog I've got permanent pens in my backpack, sos I can sign the huge banners surely every city in the country will be sending them. Moving on...

Lastly, someone keeps landing on my blog with the exact same search: jewish boro park fuck sexy girl. And today there was a slightly different version: jewish pussy in boro park. This search theme has landed people on my blog something like 20 times, so it's no coincidence. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that there is a collective of monks somewhere in Boro Park searching for Jewish Sexy Girl, and that they spend all day googling and altavisting and Northern Lighting for her, and periodically landing on my blog. Clearly they think that somewhere in my blog is hidden the secret of the Jewish Sexy Fuck Girl. My message to them: Stop looking for clues about the Jewish Sexy Fuck Girl! She's not here! You may worship me instead, if worshipping me means delivering fresh flowers to me weekly and sprinkling glitter on my sidewalk every morning before I leave. If worshipping me means eating really bland food like the Hare Krishnas cook (that's how they stay so thin!) then never mind.

And that's the beep for today!

Beep!
Ed Shepp


2 comments:

Jase said...

I don't know.. but Brad is in my bed as I type this.

I love that offensive picture btw (though I'm not sure how it's offensive). It's actually really, really funny to me. ;)

I think I'll start photoshop'ing multiracial people too...

Ed said...

It's good to know that people like the photo. I'll have to do more in a series. And I'll have to put up an entry thanking everyone for the 'huge show of support'... Beep!