Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo Lind Say Lo Han

I've been so totally blue lately, as if someone moved me into an apartment at the bottom of a toilet bowl with that blue stuff in it, with a great big picture window from which I can watch the shit rain down from the sky. Here comes the turd again, raining on my house like a Tom Cruise movie...

So that's how I've felt lately. I think a change of religion is in order. And since I didn't have any religion before, that should be an easy transition. I'm going to worship Lindsay Lohan, because I finally realized something: All those sites and magazines talk about her all the time, because they're worshipping her (either as a saint or god, I'm not sure which); and they're worshipping her because she can grace you with a blip of celebrity dust if you have enough faith in her. I believe that if Linsday Lohan just thinks about you, or better yet, says your name aloud, then it can completely change your life. So I've decided to pray to Linsday Lohan now and chant her name. (Yeah, I know I said I would chant Uma Thurman's name, but I tried that, and you know what? I think it's a LOAD! But I'm SURE this time--chanting Linsday Lohan's name will make everything better.) I've already started building a shrine, but admittedly it looks pretty crazzappy, since it's just a bunch of black-and-white pictures I printed on this cheap dot matrix here. Hopefully Linsday will bless a little bling my way and then I can buy some color glossies. Lindsay's will be done, I suppose.

And that's the beep for now.

In Lohan,
Ed Shepp

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