The Beep List

My, I've been amiss about updating myne blog lately. Sigh, alas... I must have blog depression.

First thing's first: this blog is cracked out. Lady Raptastic - For Your Reading PLEASURE (I'm presuming 'pleasure is pronounced 'play-zhur') It's funnzdy.

I saw that Kathy Griffin show My Life on the D-List the other night. (Is it significant enough to call a vehicle? Is 'D-List' hypenated? I hope not--hyphenating it makes me think of 'D-cup.') It was more entertaining (and more honest) than I expected. Salon was right, though--the special that followed it was funnzdier. Who knew that a comedian just talking about her life would be funny? Cux that's all her standup was, and yet it was funnzdy. Still, watching it just reminded me of my personal issue with this whole 'list' thing. How many lists are there? And who is on what list? And who decides? (KG's parents, for instance, would put her at solid B-list.)

So again I'm calling for someone to actually delineate the lists: Someone please make some literal lists, so that we all know who's on what list and can talk about this intelligently. Has someone done this yet? Apart from some publicist making a guest list? Is there an A/B/C/D list like there's a best/worst dressed list? If there isn't, well, isn't it about time for one? I propose that, for list purposes, we stop at D, and everyone beyond D is 'not on the list.' So now who is on what list? I wish there were some wiki-type site where people could add names and commentary. I guess the final arbiter of the lists would have to be Hollywood publicists or something of the like. But if that's the case, then I suppose there would have to be separate lists for New York and L.A. And if that's the case, then I guess I'll have to print up T-shirts that say 'I'm on the list in New York' like that person in SoHo who sold the 'I'm famous in New York' T-shirts. And if there are NYC and LA lists, then you might as well have an NYC downtown list. And I'm going to keep suggesting new lists until I fucking land on one, coddamnit!!!

But that's enough of that. Let's talk about something important: I realized today that I'm just dying to hang out with Elizabeth Berkley. So if anyone out there knows her, please, um, do something or whatever. Tell her to hang out with me. Hypnotize her or something. I wonder what she's like. I bet she's more like Nomi Malone than Jesse Spano. I bet she drinks coffee, but hates how it gives her coffee breath. I bet she uses Aveda hair products, but wishes that they had the hair-improving properties of higher-tech products. I bet she has about 4 scented candles in her house and they're high-quality but not the best. I could help with that. Ooh! Yes--if you know her, tell her that you have the BEST candle-shopping companion, and tell her to move to New York so we can hang out. If she doesn't already live here, cux, like, I don't know that kind of stupid shit. I think Elizabeth Berkley is solidly D-list; no, wait: C-list. She'd easily make B if she did some animated Disney film. Right?

And that's all the beep for now, gbeeplets, cux I have to go learn about candles so I'm ready for Elizabeth Berkley.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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