Urbles Day

Today is Urbles Day. Because there's nothing really going on, and when there's nothing going on, you just kinda say "urbles." What's up? Urbles. See?

So since there's nothing going on, I'm providing all yallz with an audio nugget. Today's audio nugget is from a friend's blog. I abridged the text a bit, excising the extraneous and political stuff, so the world could have the distilled audiessence. Download it, play it to your friend and comment til dawn. Click the audio nugget icon below for the mp3.

In random news, I'm looking for a room to rent, to move in either late July or early August. Target location: somewhere in NYC, preferably Manhattan; roundabout Astoria, Queens; not-too-far-out in Brooklyn or Jersey City/Hoboken. So if you can find me a cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap room with sane and cool people, I'll make a whole show about you on The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment. Facebook or Myspace me if you know of something.

And speeching of ESRX, this week my special guest is podcast phenom Lady Raptastic. She's always entertaining and occasionally offensive, so tune in. You know the times. Don't you? (Thursday, 6-7pm Eastern time, WFMU91.1FM or wfmu.org)

That's all I got for you now, geeplers. Here's the nugget and peace out!

Beep!
Ed Shepp

radio show + mp3s + CDs + myspace + article + all the other links

Happy Names Nuggets Day!

It's Names Nuggets Day at The Ed Shepp Bl0g Experience! That means that I have two audio nuggets for you, each 1-minute tributes to a particular superubermegahyperultrasuperduperstar. Click on the pics to the left to hear them. One tributes Kiki Kannibal, the inimitable, constantly imitated scenestère who brought back stripes*--the guest vocal blorgp is from Angelifornia, and it's sampled from the upcoming episode of The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment where we meet for the first time beyond the myspace. The other is my tribute to Lilian Gish, inventor of the plasmibionic butter churn. Because I've always loved the word gish. Gish! Go on, click on the corresponding pic to hear them. What, you don't know who is who??? Is you retardeb? Click before you embarrass youself furver.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

radio show + mp3s + CDs + myspace + article + all the other links

*Note: This is widely disputed. Some say that she copied Audrey Kitchin. It's also disputed whether she's 14, 19 or 28 years old and whether she's from Florida or Flevoland. One thing, however, is widely agreed on: Hatrs only make her more famous.

Ed Shepp Thanks the Beepters

This is just a quick beep to all the loverly EdSheppsters out there who took the time to wish me a happy Celeditude. Thanks, beeplers! You did your part to make this year's Celeditude the best of the nascent millennium. I'm sending fragrant blessings from my cinnamonscope out to all y'allz as I type. I wish I had time to thank all of you with a traditional 10th street salute, but since I dothen't, I'll leave you with a li'l audio blip (click on the blip below to get to it!). This blips comes from the original, uncut ecordation for last week's episode of The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment, entitled In Which Ed Shepp Responds to a myspace Blog Comment. (Yep, I really was responding to a comment.) Being, obviously, too blue to air, this was excised from the final cut of the show. In it, I discuss a berquance from the film Dangerous Liaisons (the one with Glenn Close).

And here's the blip:

Enjoy!

Beep!
Ed Shepp

radio show + mp3s + CDs + myspace + article + all the other links

Against Hair: An Experiment with Excerpts

Well, beeplets, it looks like The Ed Shepp Facial ExpHairiment has, regrettably, come to an end. A couple days ago I shaved off all that wonderful beard hair (which you see on the left) that it toook me all of 3 weeks to grow. Sigh. Why did I blitz it? There were a couple of reasons: 1) I thought that keeping a beard would be easier than shaving. Not so. It's harder, because once it's grown in (which takes only a few weeks, but it feels like longer), it grows zippity fast, and then you keep having to trim it. Every few days or so. If you don't, you look kinda ratty. More like Matisyahu than House. 2) A certain comment that I kept getting. Literally five different people told me, "You look like an ***** *****," or some variation thereof. These were not five people who all knew each other, who could have gotten together and agreed to tell me I looked like an ***** ***** with the beard. After a while, I couldn't look in the mirror without thinking "***** *****." That, combined with the usual January doldrums, was too much for the hair to bear. So I blitzed it. I might grow it again one of these days, but methinks I'll have to get one of those electric trimmers before doing that, sos I can keeps it manicureds.

In another blip, be sure to tune in to The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment Thursday, the 11th, because it's a goodun (6-7pm Eastern time, 91.1fm or wfmu.org). You know how I do my xmas cards on CD now? Well, this show is gonna be my valentine CD. Because I take text extensively from my favorite book, Against ****: A Polemic, a work I want peops to read. The prose is [mostly] pretty breezy and casual, so it makes for good audio. And since I so want you to listen to this one, I've actually put up (for a limited time) teaser excerpts: Here's one segment from the show and Here is the theme mix for this particular show, which is actually more than a remix, because the lead vox are different. So tune in, beepsters! It'll be a blast!

And one last burplet of news that I should have posted before, but forgot: My platial map, Where I Was When 9/11 Happened, won a platial award in the Best News/World Events Map category. Yay! Everyone go to the map and leave your mark.

And that's the gzoooples for now, gbeepsters. Need more? You can go visit my facebook and last.fm pages, which I just recently put up. Go ahead and add me whilst you're there.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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January Blips

Is it January 1st? It feels like it should be. Because today is what Beginning looks like (oh yes I did--oh yes I did capitalize something in that pretentious way! Booyah!). The sky is zirconium brilliant (isn't that the phrase I used in The Story of Celeditude?) and the air is crisp and refreshing. All in stark contrast to the dreariness of all of evermore. (The exception being 5th avenue--you know, the tony part. Jowza, did you see those light displays?!?!?! I'll never think of De Beers in the same way again. Not that I ever thought of them before.) It was all such a blur that in my last entry I remarked, "Well, it's January." Of course, it wasn't yet January. Yesterday it was. But the sun made its first appearance today. Typical for the sun--come out and prance around when we're all at work. Bastard sun. Well, at least I got my first New Years gift: a bitch-ass fine from TLA, because my roommate never returned that rental of House!!!! Hmmph!!!!!

Anyway, let's recall just a few lessons from 2006, the ones that I can recall through the crack haze:

• Prose matters. I used to dislike the New Yorker, but the more I find articles that I use from it in my show, the more I appreciate it. The writing is so good. Clear, crisp, expressive, so unlike mine. It almost makes me want to go get a literature degree and work at Starbucks. Of course that urge is always battling with my desire to change my sex and become a PE teacher, just for the awkwardness. Contrast the New Yorker to wikipedia. I've had times where it was nearly impossible to interpret text from that, because some of it is so badly written. Almost as bad as amNew York.
• Just say what you mean. No, not in the grow-up-and-not-be-neurotic way, but in the when you have to say something way. I think I learned this when an old friend died and I wrote this long entry about him. I didn't hold back, because I figured the occasion allowed immoderation. I just said what I felt, and people were telling me it's beautiful. Beautiful? I just wanted to say something honest. And then this year I had to write a private message, in a similar context, and it was a huge challenge not to throw in cliches and dress up the language. But I just tried to say what I felt was necessary (the timing of it made it really important to say the right thing). So I did. And even though a couple of times I felt like it read like a prepared statement from some publicist, I was on the whole pleased with it. So when my roommate asked me what he should write in his xmas cards, I said, "Just write what you feel." Hmm, from life-and-death to xmas cards---it doesn't seem to translate well. But I think it works anyway.
• It's hard to do a good live show! I have a whole new appreciation for Oprah. And for my friend Jason, who can both do really well live, because I haven't gotten it figured out yet. I also feel like I'm right there with my opera singer friend, who said that when she hit a wrong note in a performance she felt like crap for days, because I sometimes feel the same after a bad show. Luckily I don't feel bad about hitting wrong notes, because then I would never feel good. Case in point: Quorn, from my Thanksgiving show. After running the pitch correction software (which just puts things in the right key, not necessarily on the right notes), I kind of liked it. But the chorus always sounded odd. Then I realized it was too low--I think I was doing the harmony. I guess my only resolution for this year is to not worry about my singing. Because someone told me the other day, "So many people tell you you can sing, so why don't you believe it?" Well, that was kind. But I know that I am not a good singer, and I'm OK with it. Allz I want is to be able to sing Torn on the subway within 50 cents of the right notes. Of course, my dream is to sing Take On Me on the subway in that Britney Spears suit with the snake, and strip until disappearing in a cloud of pink smoke. Not really. My real dream is to not have to ride the subway anymore. And Miss Cleo told me that one day I wouldn't have to, and I believe in her.

So that's all I can pull out of my butt for now. Let's review New Year's Eve, what I can remember. Which is spotty. I went out with Veep and my roommate to some party uptown, where I began getting drunk. I think I got too loud, because someone popped a cork on some champagne and it scared me and I spilled a drink and I feigned shock when someone spilled something on my sweater and I pretended that the cork was lodged in my head; and then the hose came up to me and asked, "Are you all right?" At the time I thought he was asking me if I was fine. But looking back I think he was asking me if I should be making my way to Bellevue. Score another one for Ed's bad party behavior. It still doesn't beat when I got too drunk at a party and kept throwing up in the sink of a certain Princess's loft. That takes the cake. Yes, beeyotches, I may be a cold, remote, reserved whatever, but after a few drinks the Tara Reid in me comes out. Anyway, then we went to another party--Veep's friend invited him and I begged and pleaded Veep to let us come along. Damnz, I don't know how much I can say about it, but it was a director's party. I don't remember much--I remember talking to this delightful girl who I said looked like one of the Olsen twins ("not the anorexic one! the healthy one!"). I have no idea what we talked about. I also remember talking to a psychopharmacologist. "You're really a psychopharmacologist??" And I remember talking to a gorgeous British gentleman at the end of the evening. I think the topic was Estuary English, or how to pronounce the word Magdeline. Or was it Madeleine? Anyway, I was getting this hardcore flirty vibe, which is always fun, like that bubbly marimba lounge music. But the best part was when his gorgeous wife told him it was time to go. I just thought it was the cat's pajamas: here I am in full flirt mode, and nothing is at stake. How wonderful it would be to interact like that with people all the time. Oh, such a lovely party.

And then yesterday it was back to January. Sigh. So hats off to 2007, beeyotches! Eat your fiber, and stay away from that McDonalds across the street.


Beep!
Ed Shepp

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RE: LSAT

But like I said, I'm not sure if this going to law school is the best thing for you now. I mean, what about the pig farm you've been talking about for so long? Is that kaput? You have one piece of bacon and then you're like, "I want to live the good life and eat bacon at nice restaurants and go to conferences where the liquor and hos flow freely." I'm just not sold that you've really thought it out. It's like the time when you wanted to move to New Hampshire because you thought that there you'd be considered a "vocalist." Remember how that turned out? So what do you think?

That's how I start my emails these days. That and "What happened?" I like to pretend that I'm finishing up a conversation with someone else and just perchancé emailed the wrong person. I know, you're all like, "What happened to Hello, How are you?" Yeah, what happened to that? I think it went the way of "Let's hang out." That is, right down the poop pipes. Interestingly, no one has ever responded to an email like that by actually asking what I was talking about. But "what happened" seems to always generate a response. People usually start off with, "OMG, I thought I told you! Theirs so much going on in my life right now but I guess your refering to the beauty pageant I entered Anhedónia in---Yea I know shes a kintergarden but its never to soon to start learn to makeup!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm kidding. You didn't really think I'd email anyone who used the word "pageant," did you?

Anyway, here's the news: Lynndie England is featured in Marie Claire (no joke; they even refer to her as "the waiflike girl with the devilish grin"; I alerted them that the writer is on the pipe), George Michael and Elton John are competing for the honor/horror of Most Desperately Clinging to Fame, and...... The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment returns to the airwaves!!!!!! [huge, deafening applause]

That's right, poogatches! I redubuted October 12, with an episode about, what else, Hair. (Oddly, I neglected to include a Scenes from a Life about the time I got my hair dyed plum in college, which turned out half-plum/half-black, then after Sun-in+Miami went orange; eventually becoming a fried mop of brown rainbow atop my head, which my parents FORCED me to cut and dye back to brown. Damn the middle classes!!!!) And then last week was my Ed's Health Magazine Presents Your Best Halloween Ever, which was hopefully an obvious parody of Men's Health's Your Best Life Ever. And next week: My Halloween Spooktacular! Yay!!!

Yea I know I guess I should have posted something sooner. But in between drinking alone and street preaching and my Campaign Against Butt-Length Hair (CABLuHa), I just haven't had a free moment. But nowst I do, and here you are. So the show's back, now on Thursdays, 6-7pm on WFMU 91.1 and wfmu.org; and I have a new theme! You can download it here for the big file, and here for the littler file. And here for the vocals-only file, in case you want to remixalate it. (Oh, and here for the Blips, which are also for remixalation.) Interestingly, during the first show, someone called up and said that the song made him feel like he was covered in Prell (although he may have said Pert Plus) and had calamari poured down his pants. I'm not quite sure how to take that, or even if I quoted it correctly, or if the calamari were fried or, eh, not fried. Anyway, download the theme and lemme know, beeplers. And don't forget to tune in! Even you, Psychosurgery!

What else? Well, we all know I'm obsessed with Sweden, since I'm convinced that everyone there is a beautiful, supereducated, well-mannered liberal atheist; and that their sewer system is F*&%&$IN HELLACIOUSLY CAPITAL, smelling of peach leaves, bitter almond and efficiency. So naturally, of course, I took it personally when they voted in a center-right government in The Big Election they just had. It was quite a shock; like failing 4th grade all over again, except that now the teacher spoke Swedish instead of Spanish. For a while I just didn't get out of bed, but I'm better now. I can hold down solid foods and move my bowels without laxatives and Zelnorm. I think it's going to be all right, and that's not the Ex-Lax talking this time.

Speaking of Sweden, I've decided that my new favorite movie is Wild Strawberries, followed closely by Scary Movie III. Oh, that movie (the former). So good, it is. I've seen it about 4 times, I think, and I can tell you that about halfway through the 2nd time you lose that sense that every character is the Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork bork! Seriously, it's so good I think y'all have to call me Evald from now on; cux watching that movie, I was like, I AM Evald, except I'm almost completely different! Of course it is a downer of a movie, so if you're looking for fun watch Scary Movie III. Or Drawn Together, which has me LOLing like crazy, almost as if I'm watching a cartoon version of Frasier.

And that's all I've got for you now, gwiplettes, as I have to be off to get my Friday butt wax at Tiffany's.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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