Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Paris Hilton Is Not Cool

Paris Hilton is not the pinnacle of human evolution. And I'm not talking about her ugly face, either. (Yes, folks, she has an ugly face. I mean, look at that long nose with the dip in it. She's not a pretty girl. She's not ugly ugly, but she's not pretty. Money makes her seem kinda sorta pretty, and pretty at certain angles, but really, she's not pretty. She's very thin, and has no boobners, but she lacks pretty in the face. And isn't that where pretty is most important anyway?) I'm talking about a revelation I had the other day, and if I'd had my voice recorder with me at the time I might have recorded the thought in enough detail that I could impart it to you in all its glory. But since I didn't, and I only scratched out a few notes, as I was on the subway and about to switch trains, I have to give you the gist of it, whether it really makes sense or no:

Paris Hilton is not cool*. She's just rich. You see her in all these expensive clothes and expensive hair and it kinda fools you into thinking she's cool (kind of like it sometimes fools you into thinking she's pretty), but it's all flash and glam. Yes, she's glam, but she's not cool. Think about someone who's really cool, and then think what they would look like or be doing if they had been born with that much money and never had to worry about money. Would they do the celebrity, famous-for-being-famous thing that PH does? I doubt it. I don't know what they would do, but I can't see it being that. Maybe they'd do the whole adopt-a-bunch-of-underprivileged-babies Angelina Jolie thing or something, or maybe the whole make-weird-challenging-art thing.

Another point: look at what PH wears. Yes, it's all very expensive and looks good and what not, but is it cool? Not really. It's kinda bland, don't you think? If PH were really cool, wouldn't she look... I dunno... edgier? More interesting? And really, the whole blond hair/blue eye thing--not exactly original. Yes, she has great hair (and great extensions), but she's not exactly making a bold statement with it. I mean, look at Lindsay Lohan--she's arguably the queen of cool, but she didn't go and bleach her hair out. Oh, wait...

Lastly, where's the darkness in Paris Hilton? HOW old is she and with all that money, she's never had a drug problem or compulsive sex problem or crippling depression problem? That doesn't even make for an interesting celebrity.

Speaking of drugs, everyone listen to The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment this week. The theme is Drugs, and I have someone from way back in the day guesting. The show turned out really well, if I do say so myself. So everyone tune in! WFMU 91.1FM or 6-7pm Friday. That's 6-7pm. It starts at 6pm. Not 7pm. 6pm! 1800 hours!

A final word about google: Yes, google can be a pain in the arse for certain web searches, and it certainly makes for screwy blog statistics when you see that so many referrers are landing there from google image searches, but thank cod for google, because thanks to it I was able to find someone who provided me with another piece to the Ron Odyssey puzzle. So now I have a little more background info. So I reiterate, thank cod for google. But I add: thank cod I know how to use google. And I add: yay me! Once again: Yay for me!

And that's the beep for now.

Ed Shepp

*Note : I am not cool either. I'm not even cool enough to listen to the White Stripes. So I guess that whole thought was just a moot point. But since we're both not cool, Paris, we should hang out. We'll have dinner & stuff. You're buying. But that goes without saying, right?


maveric said...

MAJORLY thrillenthropic show on drugs! I really liked the way you had all three sides of the story-- the good, then there's the baaaaaaad >), then there's the ugly. To me, drugs are like Vegas-- the longer you play, the higher the odds are you're gonna lose.

Also listened to the vacation show:
fav comments (don't know why, just my shence of humor)--
Instead of "Welcome to flight such and such to... X. Everyone please direct your attention to the flight attendants while they show you... yadda yaddda yadda..." It's the no frills airline: "EVERYONE GET'N THEIR SEATS WE’RE TRYING TA GO!!!!!"
Also, the ugly American in Greece in the falefal place: "WHY AREN’T YOU GETTING MY BURGER!!!!!!"

Yer sho funny, baby!

Eric said...

No darkness? Don't forget, she was in a notorious sex tape that only was a big deal because she's famous, which she only is because she's "pretty," which she actually only is because she's rich.

A haiku:
Ignore P. Hilton
Hating her is the first step
Towards caring at all

CineClub La Banca said...

Hi pal, I liked the P Hilton note. I thoug I was the only one who thinks shes not cool, shes only rich.

If been rich its been cool, then she is cool, but rich and cool are two diferents words and two diferents meanings, so...