Paris Hilton is not the pinnacle of human evolution. And I'm not talking about her ugly face, either. (Yes, folks, she has an ugly face. I mean, look at that long nose with the dip in it. She's not a pretty girl. She's not ugly ugly, but she's not pretty. Money makes her seem kinda sorta pretty, and pretty at certain angles, but really, she's not pretty. She's very thin, and has no boobners, but she lacks pretty in the face. And isn't that where pretty is most important anyway?) I'm talking about a revelation I had the other day, and if I'd had my voice recorder with me at the time I might have recorded the thought in enough detail that I could impart it to you in all its glory. But since I didn't, and I only scratched out a few notes, as I was on the subway and about to switch trains, I have to give you the gist of it, whether it really makes sense or no:
Paris Hilton is not cool*. She's just rich. You see her in all these expensive clothes and expensive hair and it kinda fools you into thinking she's cool (kind of like it sometimes fools you into thinking she's pretty), but it's all flash and glam. Yes, she's glam, but she's not cool. Think about someone who's really cool, and then think what they would look like or be doing if they had been born with that much money and never had to worry about money. Would they do the celebrity, famous-for-being-famous thing that PH does? I doubt it. I don't know what they would do, but I can't see it being that. Maybe they'd do the whole adopt-a-bunch-of-underprivileged-babies Angelina Jolie thing or something, or maybe the whole make-weird-challenging-art thing.
Another point: look at what PH wears. Yes, it's all very expensive and looks good and what not, but is it cool? Not really. It's kinda bland, don't you think? If PH were really cool, wouldn't she look... I dunno... edgier? More interesting? And really, the whole blond hair/blue eye thing--not exactly original. Yes, she has great hair (and great extensions), but she's not exactly making a bold statement with it. I mean, look at Lindsay Lohan--she's arguably the queen of cool, but she didn't go and bleach her hair out. Oh, wait...
Lastly, where's the darkness in Paris Hilton? HOW old is she and with all that money, she's never had a drug problem or compulsive sex problem or crippling depression problem? That doesn't even make for an interesting celebrity.
Speaking of drugs, everyone listen to The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment this week. The theme is Drugs, and I have someone from way back in the day guesting. The show turned out really well, if I do say so myself. So everyone tune in! WFMU 91.1FM or wfmu.org. 6-7pm Friday. That's 6-7pm. It starts at 6pm. Not 7pm. 6pm! 1800 hours!
A final word about google: Yes, google can be a pain in the arse for certain web searches, and it certainly makes for screwy blog statistics when you see that so many referrers are landing there from google image searches, but thank cod for google, because thanks to it I was able to find someone who provided me with another piece to the Ron Odyssey puzzle. So now I have a little more background info. So I reiterate, thank cod for google. But I add: thank cod I know how to use google. And I add: yay me! Once again: Yay for me!
And that's the beep for now.
*Note : I am not cool either. I'm not even cool enough to listen to the White Stripes. So I guess that whole thought was just a moot point. But since we're both not cool, Paris, we should hang out. We'll have dinner & stuff. You're buying. But that goes without saying, right?