I went to my first Oscar party ever last night. I've been opposed to watching award shows, as they're so undogly boring and I think people take them (and the clothes stars wear to them) WAY too seriously. But I decided to go to one last night, on the stipulation that it wouldn't be one of those parties where you have to be quiet and the ceremony is all IMPORTANT and gaga... And, with the addition of bubbly, I had a great time! So here are the notes I scratched out about last night's Oscars:
Robin Williams looks like a coke addict. If he has become a coke addict, then THANK COD! Because for the first time in a damn long time, he's really FUNNY!
I loved Chris Rock's subtle Bush-bashing of sorts. I must say, it was very unexpected. I have to disagree when he said that Jude Law wasn't a star, though. You don't have to google Jude Law. He's a star. Bona fide.
That new thing they're doing to save time--having presenters in the audience: it's severely lame. Not to mention insulting to the people who won those less popular categories. No wonder they all looked awkward and retarded--the Academy was basically telling them You're shit on national TV and expecting them to gush with gratitude!
Beyoncé did great! I wasn't expecting such a performance. However, I think she was still putting a bit too much soul into the French song. But she did better than most pop stars would in crossing over to musical theater and whatever that French song was. Not to mention she's fucking GORGEOUS!!! (Although that black glitter eyeshadow really looked like tarantula skin glued to her eyelids)
Pierce Brosnan looks great! Does he have a personal fountain of youth of surgery? However, that interaction with the cartoon was seriously tardo
Damnz, Cate Blanchett is pretty! Or at least she was until someone said that she has a husband. Suddenly she's not as pretty now. It was cool to hear her real voice, though--she's always doing character voices so well that I don't think I've ever heard a shadow of her real voice. Incresting to hear it, and that it sounds as good as she looks.
I think the Born Into Brothels woman got her dress at Old Navy. Speaking of women, just who was that woman with the enormous breasts that the camera kept cutting to when Martin Scorswayze was talking? It was odd.
That Counting Crows guy looks a wreck. Is he going for that whole Sideshow Bob look?
I was surprised that I didn't see any image or mention of Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz's daughter. Shocking.
Someone should invent a big piece of plastic that you put around your TV that magnifies it. Kind of like a big magnifying glass, or a big version of that thing old people use for bingo and reading. It would make an ordinary TV look like a big screen TV (duh).
And those are my Oscar notes, and that's the beep for now.
Beep!
Ed Shepp
2 comments:
I agree- The Counting Crows guy looks disgusting. I'm all for style and personal expression, but he is harsh on the eyes.
Jude Law is definitely a star, but Closer and the remake of Alfie were complete garbage. Both he and Nicole Kidman seemed to have been in everything for the past several years and most of those movies, especially Cold Mountain sucked ass.
What did you think of Carlos Santana and Antonio Banderas' song from The Motorcycle Diaries?
Well, I don't think much of Antonio Banderas as a singer. That said, his performance wasn't as absolutely wretched as I'd expected. I may have been filled with champagne by the time it came on. I thought the backdrop was beyond ridiculous.
I should've noted that I also thought Hilary Swank's dress was ridiculous--it was all Puritan Pilgrim in the front and ass crack in the back.
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