Weekend Recaplet

Hey snuvvlepoogers. How was your weekend? Did you dress up like that 29th century Marie Antoinette Fantastiwhore from the inner city who is addicted to The Golden Girls and oozes a mystery peanut butter-and-pumpkin suspension from every laser-bullet hole?? You did?! Yaaaaaay!!! You must've been the best dressed Hallooweenster in the hizzy! I can tell you had fun, because of the way you're rocking back and forth and picking your face.

What did I do? Not a lot. What about Hallooween? Eh. Don't care this year. My Halloween Spooktacular aired. That's good enough fer me. Here's the breakdown of what I did do:

Friday I went to the station and got to see some nut overturn a big traffic divider while talking to some individual that I couldn't see. He yelled, "F*%$ your traffic cone and your... white thing!!!!" That and some other choice expletives, and he toppled the "white thing" {traffic divider} and went into the "restaurant" near the station. This restaurant--I've never seen it open. I'm convinced it's a drug running operation. Or a baby factory. Or a rogue paper mill. You never know up here in the Big City. After that I went home and meditated about all the hungry people in the world. And I ate a Reeses peanut butter cup in their honor. Do they know it's Halloween at all????

Saturday I got up early and did lots of forgettable nonsense before going to the station again. After I returned homenward, Jacob and I went to see Death of a President at the Angelika. Here are some short blorgps about the flim:

• It strikes an unexpected somber, mournful tone. (Should that be unexpectedly? I'm a little retarded.) It was a tone that I expected, since I'd read a review of the movie beforehand. Although I was in the mood for something light and fun, I rallied for DoaP just so I could say that I saw it. Because it's probably banned everywhere except for New York, LA and San Francisco. Which I find kind of silly after watching it. A reviewer in Slate noted that it ends up center-right, politically, and that's true. It portrays the Left as wingnuts and gives a lot of screentime to the Right. Moreover, the aftermath of, er, The Event--it isn't really explored, except to mention something about the passage of a PATRIOT III Act. I thought it was going to plunge into full-on dystopia, but it didn't. Alas.
• I didn't believe some of the accents. They were supposed to be "midwestern," I suppose, since the movie is set in Chicago; but some just didn't ring true for me. Nor for Jacob, who is from the Midwest. I kept wondering where the movie was flimed. It didn't help when someone said "lit-tra-lee" intead of "li-der-uh-lee." I said, "That's RP! J'accuse!" [Snort while doing that pig-nose expression where you pull up your nose. That's a lot of nose!]
• Oh! I just remembered--the trailer for Perfume played during the previews. Yay for perfume! It opens Dec. 27th.
• While mostly somber, the movie definitely had some comedic moments, not all of which were intended. The first was when reporters were at the hospital after ...The Event... and they ask some homeless person what happened in the ER. He says, "First they told us to get out. Then, they told us to get the HELL out." That was funny. Another funny moment: They used some footage of Dick Cheney speaking at a funeral. Whose I don't know, because Sandra Bullock wasn't there and I don't follow events she doesn't attend. Because we're such good friends. Anyway, Cheney says the name and a voiceover says, "George W. Bush." It's so bad--it's really funny. I think the whole theater laughed. The last really comedic moment: Someone in the movie is named Alouicious! No, wait, I mean Aloisius. No----Aloysius. Yeah, I had to look it up. Don't you think that's funny?? Don't you??!? Aloycious!!!!!!! HA!!!!!!!! I thought it was funny. I mean, how often do you hear that name?! I think I actually said, "Whahappah" when I heard it. Either that or I passed gas, and there was no shortage of that, since I've gotten back into the fiber supplement community! Yay! Fiber!! [toot]
  
• I know you're wondering. So I'll tell you. Yes, there were a couple people who clapped at... The Event. But out of a theater of about 50, only one person clapped loudly, and two others very quietly. Which is pretty surprising considering it was the Angelika, that hotbed of conforming rebellion.
• All in all, I thought it was an OK movie. Until I read the Slate review, which pointed out that it was just like an episode of Frontline, which is what I thought it was supposed to be. But Slate said that it should have said something, and, now that I think about it--yeah! It should have! Sometimes Slate is just right on. (Sometimes, however, it's seriously full of it. But those times make for such good radio, don't they?)

And then Sunday it was so windy that I was afeared to go to the station, lest a vengeful piece of debris strike me down, so I planted myself on the couch and xoned out to the House marathon on USA. Yay!!!!! I think that's what really made it feel like a holiday weekend to me; I associate TV marathons with holiday weekends every since I watched the Comedy Central AbFab marathon one Txgiving. How impresborgn: AbFab: witty British lushes cavorting around London; House: a mean-in-a-witty-way American-except-really-British Vicodin-popper cavorting around New Jersey. Somehow I never foresaw the 21st century like that.

Speaking of House, if you like the show, check out the interview with one of the writers on Television Without Pity. You can find it yourself; you're a big gnooplet.

And that was my weekend. As a last note, some searches about that Pantene commercial with Let It Xnow in it landed a couple people on this blog. Wow, I remember that commercial--I hope it gets put in rotation again this year! It's so creeeeeepy, with that autotune-or-vocoder-or-something on the vocal; it really sounds like some kind of eerie Christmas robot coming to kill you with its bulletproof holiday cheer. Good stuff! And that's the beep for now gnooplets.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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RE: LSAT

But like I said, I'm not sure if this going to law school is the best thing for you now. I mean, what about the pig farm you've been talking about for so long? Is that kaput? You have one piece of bacon and then you're like, "I want to live the good life and eat bacon at nice restaurants and go to conferences where the liquor and hos flow freely." I'm just not sold that you've really thought it out. It's like the time when you wanted to move to New Hampshire because you thought that there you'd be considered a "vocalist." Remember how that turned out? So what do you think?

That's how I start my emails these days. That and "What happened?" I like to pretend that I'm finishing up a conversation with someone else and just perchancé emailed the wrong person. I know, you're all like, "What happened to Hello, How are you?" Yeah, what happened to that? I think it went the way of "Let's hang out." That is, right down the poop pipes. Interestingly, no one has ever responded to an email like that by actually asking what I was talking about. But "what happened" seems to always generate a response. People usually start off with, "OMG, I thought I told you! Theirs so much going on in my life right now but I guess your refering to the beauty pageant I entered Anhedónia in---Yea I know shes a kintergarden but its never to soon to start learn to makeup!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm kidding. You didn't really think I'd email anyone who used the word "pageant," did you?

Anyway, here's the news: Lynndie England is featured in Marie Claire (no joke; they even refer to her as "the waiflike girl with the devilish grin"; I alerted them that the writer is on the pipe), George Michael and Elton John are competing for the honor/horror of Most Desperately Clinging to Fame, and...... The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment returns to the airwaves!!!!!! [huge, deafening applause]

That's right, poogatches! I redubuted October 12, with an episode about, what else, Hair. (Oddly, I neglected to include a Scenes from a Life about the time I got my hair dyed plum in college, which turned out half-plum/half-black, then after Sun-in+Miami went orange; eventually becoming a fried mop of brown rainbow atop my head, which my parents FORCED me to cut and dye back to brown. Damn the middle classes!!!!) And then last week was my Ed's Health Magazine Presents Your Best Halloween Ever, which was hopefully an obvious parody of Men's Health's Your Best Life Ever. And next week: My Halloween Spooktacular! Yay!!!

Yea I know I guess I should have posted something sooner. But in between drinking alone and street preaching and my Campaign Against Butt-Length Hair (CABLuHa), I just haven't had a free moment. But nowst I do, and here you are. So the show's back, now on Thursdays, 6-7pm on WFMU 91.1 and wfmu.org; and I have a new theme! You can download it here for the big file, and here for the littler file. And here for the vocals-only file, in case you want to remixalate it. (Oh, and here for the Blips, which are also for remixalation.) Interestingly, during the first show, someone called up and said that the song made him feel like he was covered in Prell (although he may have said Pert Plus) and had calamari poured down his pants. I'm not quite sure how to take that, or even if I quoted it correctly, or if the calamari were fried or, eh, not fried. Anyway, download the theme and lemme know, beeplers. And don't forget to tune in! Even you, Psychosurgery!

What else? Well, we all know I'm obsessed with Sweden, since I'm convinced that everyone there is a beautiful, supereducated, well-mannered liberal atheist; and that their sewer system is F*&%&$IN HELLACIOUSLY CAPITAL, smelling of peach leaves, bitter almond and efficiency. So naturally, of course, I took it personally when they voted in a center-right government in The Big Election they just had. It was quite a shock; like failing 4th grade all over again, except that now the teacher spoke Swedish instead of Spanish. For a while I just didn't get out of bed, but I'm better now. I can hold down solid foods and move my bowels without laxatives and Zelnorm. I think it's going to be all right, and that's not the Ex-Lax talking this time.

Speaking of Sweden, I've decided that my new favorite movie is Wild Strawberries, followed closely by Scary Movie III. Oh, that movie (the former). So good, it is. I've seen it about 4 times, I think, and I can tell you that about halfway through the 2nd time you lose that sense that every character is the Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork bork! Seriously, it's so good I think y'all have to call me Evald from now on; cux watching that movie, I was like, I AM Evald, except I'm almost completely different! Of course it is a downer of a movie, so if you're looking for fun watch Scary Movie III. Or Drawn Together, which has me LOLing like crazy, almost as if I'm watching a cartoon version of Frasier.

And that's all I've got for you now, gwiplettes, as I have to be off to get my Friday butt wax at Tiffany's.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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Ephemera et Cetera

It's been a billion eons since I've postered anything to this blog, so I'll just do a quick recap of the teensy things I can actually recall, and then go straight to the ephemera.

Firstenly, remember the video I did for Damn the Flip Flops? Of course you don't, because even though I shot it 3 years or so on my digital camera, I was never able to sync up the sound and mix it properly, and then shrink it to a size that could be uploaded to these Inter Nets. But now, thanks to the magic of youtube and the editing talents of filmmaker Corey Smith, the video has finally seen the light of day! Wheeeeee! Of course, the concept of the vid changed a bit in the editing process, since long after I shot the scenes, I recorded the song of the same name (all of which is based on the real-life events experienced by Mark Baratelli and me back in the day in Tally. It's mapped on my platial). Originally there was just going to be the spoken parts mixed in with a bit from Superpowerpusssy (yeah, I still lerv that CD; it's still one of my fave projects); but it totally works synced up with Damn the Flip Flops. And, I have to say, the end turned out great! Thanks, Corey! Go and http://youtube.com/watch?v=wkJkSGi6ctM

Speaking of Corey Smith, we recently finished shooting a film for a class of his titled, Practical Reasoning. It's a 'philosophical comedy,' and it takes its name from a philosophy class I enrolled in at my first college and subsequently had to drop after I corrected the professor's grammar. (Yes, the correct phrase is "The reason is that," NOT "The reason is because...") I play a pretentious hipster know-it-all who goes around yakking nonsense in peoples' faces. The acting is way over the top, which is to say that it's just a bigger version of me. Kind of like me drunk, only without the screaming or that odd New Yorkish accent that seems to come upon me whenever I'm overserved. And more articulate. And more tired-er, since we filmed at the crack of dawn, and I was always running on practically no slizzeep. Unfortunately, at this moment I am lacking of the screenshots, but I may have some in the future. Watch for it!

Lastly from the pastly, I meant to put a post up here announcing when I had a post on the WFMU blog, but I lazed out, predictably. So in case you missed it (and it was a goodun), go here to read it. I talk about merkins, gawker and Pseu Braun living in a teepee.

And now, on to the current ephemera:

To paraphrase my character Mollie from Aguilleratry, "I'm completely obsessed with that show House on Fox." I lerv it. I came to it late, so I haven't seen all that many episodes, but already I'm totally enamored with it--I haven't been this all about a show probably since V. And Voyagers before that. I tell you, I'm so into it, I've even gone so far as to read slash! (!!!)(House/Wilson, of course.) What's the draw, you ask?

I'll tell you.

Like the two aforementioned shows, the appeal of House revolves all around its main character, Dr. Gregory House, a witty, crabby, Vicodin-addicted misanthropic genius who insults patients and talks down to his staff of hotties (and has some kinda romantic tension going on with his best friend Dr. James Wilson, played by Robert Sean Leonard of Dead Poets Society fame; or maybe not--I might just be reading too much slash). (In case you're wondering, V revolved around Diana (duh), cux of her scheming, charisma and hotness, and to some extent Lydia, cux of her English accent and German popstar haircut; Voyagers revolved around John Erik Hexum, because of his hotness, hottitude and hottricity; and that whole traveling-through-time-with-a-boy-who-was-about-my-age-at-the-time didn't hurt either.) I know what you're thinking: a mean, witty doctor who's addicted to Vicodin? It's too good to be true! Yeah, that's what I thought at first too, but after a few episodes, I realized that it is all it's cracked up to be, and I was hooked.

Now that I've gotten more into the show, I realize that the character of Gregory House only succeeds because of the talent of Hugh Laurie, the actor who portrays him. Apparently he's been around forever, but on English TV, so no American ever across the nation has ever, ever heard of him ever before, even though he's also been in movies & stuff. And I had no idea he was English until someone told me, because his American accent is perfect. (Even though some contest that, noting that there appear to be regional inconsistencies in the way he pronounces certain phonemes. To that I say, show me someone who has a perfectly consisten accent. Only people with uber-thick regional accents who've lived in one place their entire lives have perfectly consistent accents. If someone said that my American accent wasn't real, I'm sure someone could piece it apart completely in 10 seconds: His long i's often sound Southern, but then sometimes he comes out with a Canadian-sounding short o, and he even has a hint of Brooklynese at times, espeically when he says words like 'dog' and 'coffee.' So to anyone who says Hugh Laurie's American accent isn't spectacular, I quote Blair Warner to you: Turn blue.) Laurie manages to play House as the acerbic, damaged person he is, but at the same time humanize him and make him, I dare say, loveable. I also can't imagine any other actor his age who could bring enough charisma to the role to make House sexy, which he also amazingly accomplishes.*

Of course, at this point I have to admit that it should come as no surprise that I love the character of House. He represents a myth that I find irresistible, even while I acknowledge that it's nothing more than fantasy: the misanthrope who callously defies society's conventions and wins in the end through his sheer brilliance. Why wouldn't I like that, being a misanthrope myself? I'm always rooting for the crabby underdog, because I'm crabby! So while some viewers find House 'mean,' I'm always cheering him on when he makes a caustic comment (usually following up with a comical expression that I can't imagine anyone but Laurie being able to pull off). There are other ways I can identify with the character, but I need to see more of the show to understand whether I'm grasping the actual character of House.

So I love House. And I'm all about the House/Wilson slash. But now for some criticism. Just to address the most common criticism of the show, yes, it's totally unrealistic and often hysterical and operatic. But I don't really have a proglem with that. I did a little with that two parter where House shot the corpse and ruined an MRI machine, thinking that the show had gotten too over the top even for me, but I'm over that now. Here's my real problem: the seemingly inevitable romance between House and Allison Cameron, the young hot doctor on his staff who never comes off as particularly bright. From what I can tell from the fan forums (televisionwithoutpity.com's is quite good; myspace's is predictably bereft of intellect), everyone and her sister wants 47-year old House to hook up with 20-something Cameron. I gather from reading the forums that something must have already happened between the two characters, and in the season finale, the writers seem to imply that House is 'interested' in her. There's a scene where he essentially touches her by proxy, through an operating room robot--a button is cut from a blouse, a navel is blown on... Because this occurs in House's mind, a lot of people are inferring that House wants to have 'a relationship' with her. Now, my thought is that it's occuring in his mind because, on some level, he wants to fuck her. Because she's young and hot. But that doesn't mean that he wants a 'relationship.' Getting to the point, however: I fear that this storyline is going to be explored deeper in future episodes, and I'll be terribly disappointed with the show if it is. Because if House hooks up with Cameron, then suddenly we have every other show on television, and that tired cliche of the older, charismatic man getting the piece of cheesecake. Moreover, the show would become a soap opera, less House, M.D. than Who's the Boss?, and there's a reason that Who's the Boss? has become nothing more than a punchline: because that kind of show, where two characters dance around an inevitable, 'right' romantic pairing, is tired and stupid. Which, ironically, would superbly suit it to most of the American public (the booboisie, if you will).

If you're still reading, you're either agreeing with me or thinking that I want House to hook up with Wilson. Well, I do, but that's obviously not going to happen, even though it would allow for some rich, complicated storylines. So who do I think House should hook up with? None of the characters! I mean, granted, I'm not the sharpest tack in the box, but I've never worked in an office where everyone hooked up with each other just because they were there. Why would House hook up with anyone at his hospital? Being so intelligent, he would surely be familiar with the phrase, "Don't shit where you eat." Furthermore, why can't he just not be interested in dating at all? He is a 'broken man'--wouldn't he either have given up on love, or at least be too wary of it to engage after the debacle with Stacy? Didn't he even tell Stacy, the love of his life, that he couldn't give her what she needed, in one episode? So why would he hook up with Cameron, who, predictably, would 'heal' him? It's ludicrous. But let's say that House had to hook up with someone in the hospital: why not Cuddy? She's intelligent and gorgeous, and not afraid to meet House on his own turf intellectually. She's a woman, not a girl. So wouldn't it make more sense for House to be attracted to her? I mean, Wilson's (suposedly) attracted to her, and he's 10 years younger than House. (Then again, I just remembered all the 40-plus men I've known who seem to only be attracted to 20somethings. If that's true across the board, and it seems depressingly like it is, then perhaps it is more logical for House to be more attracted to Cameron. Hmmmmm...) But in the end I don't want to see anyone in the hospital hooking up with co-workers. It's unrealistic-in-the-bad-way for me, and I don't find it compelling. I hope they keep writing the show with adults in mind.

WOW! I didn't expect to write all that about a TV show. I guess I'll have to save my "Why Ace of Base's Cruel Summer sucks butt warts and how I would have produced it differently" for later. I've gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too comic-book-guy in this entry already.

So that's the bizzzeep for now. More later, beepnerlets!


Beep!
Ed Shepp

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Marathon Concludes; Seedling Contrudes

Hey bgooplets! So the WFMU fundraising marathon has drawn to a close, and we reached our goal. YAY! [cymbal crash!] Thanks to everyone who pledged, and a special thanks-with-a-big-kiss-Brazilian-style to everyone who pledged to my show. And thanks to my co-hosts Mark Allen and Pseu Braun for getting me through my shows; and thanks to everyone who came out to help at FMU. I have to say: Since this was my first marathon, I had no idea what to expect from it, and didn't expect much more than just an unusual couple of weeks. I certainly didn't envision getting as swept up by the excitement of it all as I did. It was really fun! You could really feel a sense of celebration and camaraderie. I did my part by doing phone duty and bringing cakes, and sending out mass emails to my friends with voodoo curses and all. OK, I didn't really send out voodoo curses. (Wink!) I was a li'l nervous that we wouldn't make the goal, and thought Could this be the end of The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment???!!! But luckily it all worked out at the 9th hour. So thanks for all who pledged, and also congratulations to all who got my prize!!!

I suppose it's appropriate to add here that I can't believe I forgot to list here what was on my premium and what my prizes were. Well, I don't have my premium in front of me (and I'm too lazy to get up--and knowing me, if I do, I'll get distracted by something shiny and won't come back to writing for another month), so I can't give you a track listing, but here's some of what was on it: A section of Reverend Jen from the (Un)Cool show; How Ed Shepp Saved Halloween and the Scenes from a Life from the Halloween Spooktacular; Ed Shepp's The First Thanksgiving; a section of Michael Collins from the Drugs show; me singing Auld Lang Syne from the Happy New Year show; and my peculiarly-accented reading of a piece from Fernando Pessoa's The Book of Disquiet from the Dear Diary show. All in all, it was a truly BEEPTACULAR premium, more than living up to its subtitle (Beeptacular moments from The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment). My prize added to the beeptacularity: A handcrafted (don't you just hate that word?!?!) Ed Shepp Is Love T-Shirt, replete with fake flowers, glitter and a paper plate and balloon, with a copy of my CD Five and a CD called Ed Shepp Presents Mark Baratelli, a compendium of works by the comic genius himself. Both were totally homemade in myne own handwriting. I hope everyone who gets them gleans hours and hours of enjoyment from them.

One prize moment was noteable: In a startling turn of events, my sister, who pledged, won a prize! I was surprised. I wondered for a moment whether we should have drawn again, but since it had already gone out over the air I figured we probably shouldn't. I hope it didn't seem untoward.

OK, what else has been going on... Hmmmm.... Well, what I'm calling The Seedling Project(cux it was inspired by an article in Seed magazine) continues. That's the project where I try to make my environment richer and more engaging, to promote brain growth. As part of the project, I've installed a few Chinese lanterns in my room and put a few things on my walls. I've also made a commitment to listen to a vastly wider array of music. I've been intending to do this for forever, since I have access to such a colossal amount at the station, but I've always fallen into my rut of crap pop. For the moment I have risen above the rut, and right now I'm cycling the following CDs:

• something by Brian Eno & David Byrne
• some Iranian woman wailing over a stringy instrument (an oud?)
• a CD of Brazilian songs, and
• some stuff by Chip Chapman

I've made a note to myself that I must acquire a Momus CD and something by Tucker Booth or Jonathan Toth. And if you're an indie band no one's ever heard and you're reading this, send me some stuff c/o wfmu. The address is on the site. In the visual department, I'm pleased to report that I found something affordable in SoHo: I got a Glowing Orb of Truth for $10 at a store in SoHo (actually, that might be expensive, considering it's just a floating, color-chaning LED globe; but then I have such a fetish for lighting, and everyone who looks into it does have to tell the truth--that makes it worth 10 balloons, I suppose) (yeah, I just said balloons. insert comment about me becoming my father) and two cute Japanese-looking piggybanks for only $2 each!!! You have to see the piggybanks to realize what a deal that was. I think they were mispriced.

As an aside note on visual stuff, Qian Qian rocks the box. I want to do with audio what he does in pictures.

It's not really part of The Seedling Project (or is it?), but I was flipping through some book in the best bookstore in Manhattan, and it was talking about the magazines that people must read. For, er, something or other. The ones I remember were Dwell, Real Simple and that Oprah one--I forget what it's called--A?? U?? Whatever--it doesn't matter. Anyway, I picked up a copy of Dwell at Whole Foods and read an article in it on Malmo, Sweden. There should be an umlaut over the o there, but it never comes out right, so pretend there is. I want to live there, so if you're reading in Malmo, drop me a line and tell me that you've boughtten me a house there, and alls I have to do to live there is continue to make my art and radio and Seedlingness, and I'll be there in 48 hours.

Lastly, gboopners, email me. If you like the idea of The Seedling Project, or you're doing it yourself, let me know how it's going, or let's start up a Web community of sorts around the idea. Or if you want to start up some kind of underground art/performance/whatever scene in NYC, email me and we'll bake ideas and cupcakes. Or if you have a place in Malmo and want to host me for a year or twenty, drop me a line. Or if you have suggestions on how to spread Ed Shepp Awareness, lemme know. Or if you have an advertising site that you hate, share it and we'll kvetch. (My friend likes a particular advertisingish industryish site, but I think it's rubbish. But I'll talk about that anuvver time.)

And that there, folks, is your right-around-the-ides-of-March beep.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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