Låt den rätte komma in

OK, so I saw that movie, Låt den rätte komma in (Let the Right One In), the other day, quite by accident. (And if you want to know how to pronounce the title in Swedish, click this to hear from forvo.com) I happened to be at the Angelika the other day, and everything looked crappy or depressing, so when I saw the movie was in Sweden, and the ticket person (who thought that new Woody Allen movie was good--WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!??!?!?!? She MUST have been kidding when she said she thought it was "complex" and said it was like "Woody Allen grew up." The movie is ridiculous) confirmed that it is in Swedish, I thought "Hey, even if it's retarded, at least it won't seem TOO stupid since it's in another language." So I saw it.

And I'm totally going to spoil it for you here, since you're not going to see it. As I understand it, there's an American version being made, due out in 2010. Make no mistake: It. Will. Suck. And it will avoid everything controversial in this version.

OK, so what happened in the movie? Well, I came in a little late, but I think I got the whole thing. As much as I could, I suppose, since there was stuff that I missed. I will say one thing before I tell the plot: There was a point where the girl in the movie was talking to someone and I thought, "This would be really cool if she ate him." How bout it got really cool! Anyway, here we go...

So it takes place in Sweden somewhere, apparently Stockholm, though I wouldn't think that even Stockholm gets so cold as to be covered in snow and freeze the lakes over and all. It starts with 12-year old blond boy, and he's talking to some girl who looks a lil unkempt. I thought it was going to be a story about a guy befriending a homeless girl, because he gave her a Rubiks cube and I thought they were in a bus station (they were outside). But she's not homeless per se--they're neighbors. Fast forward fast forward--you see an attack happen under a bridge, and you're like, "Is that that girl?" Fast forward--she's over at his house and says, "You have to invite me in." That's when you really get the inkling that she's a vampire, because everyone knows that you have to invite vampires in. (However, not everyone knows this. My friend ---- in Atlanta used to have Mexican workers living with him. They were afraid to go into his basement because they thought there were vampires down there. Uhhh, duh. There can't be, because you have to INVITE them! How uneducated!) Anyway, and this is proving to be a really short synopsis, blond boy is being bullied at school, so he tells Eli (the vampire) about it and she says she can help. More on that later. In a REALLY good plotline, Eli bites this woman but doesn't kill her, so the woman starts becoming a vampire. She goes over to someone's house, where this guy has, like, 900 cats, and they all start hissing at her and then all these computer-generated cats jump on her and start biting. That was freaking hilarious. But it's not over yet! She goes to the hospital, says she wants to die, asks someone to open the blinds on a sunny day, and when he does, a dummy version of her bursts into flames (see the picture). That was awesome. In another plotline, the man Eli lives with turns out to be a pedophile, and he gets caught having kidnapped a boy and he pours acid on his face. Then he falls out of the window at this hospital and his head brakes off. OK, back to the blond and Eli: blond wants to go steady with Eli, and she says something like, "What if I'm not a girl?" OK, you think "she's not a girl, she's a vampire." But it turns out she's both a vampire and a castrated boy. So how does blond react? He reacts like he does to everything in the movie: he doesn't. He seems nonplussed by everything. When he sees her scar, he just shrugs. When he asks her, "är du vampyr?" he might as well be asking her if she got her haircut. And later when this guy says he's going to poke his eye out with a knife, blond seems to have no reaction. Hmmm. I don't know if it's underacting or if it's a Swedish thing. It comes off like the latter. Anyway, so now that we've gotten most of it out of the way, let's finish: Blond fights back against a bully; the bully's brother comes back with a knife and, well, you know. So he's holding him underwater, and you see the blond through the pool cam. he's underwater and losing his breath and all, and then you see a pair of shoes through the water. Then you see the forearm of the guy who's holding him underwater. Yep, Eli has come to save him. Then at the end they go away together on some train. Oh wait--I forgot one thing. There's a scene after he knows she's vampyr, and she's at his house and he's like, "Why can't you just come in? Why do I have to invite you?" so she just comes in. And then starts bleeding out her orifices and her pores. Then he says he invites her in and they hug. And yeah, it's weird when you think that you're watching two twelve-year old kids covered in blood going steady and one is a vampire but is also a boy.

So you can see how they're going to change everything in the American version. More love story, more "defeating the vampires." The girl will probably be caught, and if not, there will be crappy sequels. More good vs. bad. I can't even imagine. The color will probably be richer in the US version--in this version, it was this washed-out wintry palette. It works considering where it's set, but I always prefer bold, rich, splash-right-off-the-screen color.

And that's the movie. Quite strange. But entertaining.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

Weekend Recaplet

Hey snuvvlepoogers. How was your weekend? Did you dress up like that 29th century Marie Antoinette Fantastiwhore from the inner city who is addicted to The Golden Girls and oozes a mystery peanut butter-and-pumpkin suspension from every laser-bullet hole?? You did?! Yaaaaaay!!! You must've been the best dressed Hallooweenster in the hizzy! I can tell you had fun, because of the way you're rocking back and forth and picking your face.

What did I do? Not a lot. What about Hallooween? Eh. Don't care this year. My Halloween Spooktacular aired. That's good enough fer me. Here's the breakdown of what I did do:

Friday I went to the station and got to see some nut overturn a big traffic divider while talking to some individual that I couldn't see. He yelled, "F*%$ your traffic cone and your... white thing!!!!" That and some other choice expletives, and he toppled the "white thing" {traffic divider} and went into the "restaurant" near the station. This restaurant--I've never seen it open. I'm convinced it's a drug running operation. Or a baby factory. Or a rogue paper mill. You never know up here in the Big City. After that I went home and meditated about all the hungry people in the world. And I ate a Reeses peanut butter cup in their honor. Do they know it's Halloween at all????

Saturday I got up early and did lots of forgettable nonsense before going to the station again. After I returned homenward, Jacob and I went to see Death of a President at the Angelika. Here are some short blorgps about the flim:

• It strikes an unexpected somber, mournful tone. (Should that be unexpectedly? I'm a little retarded.) It was a tone that I expected, since I'd read a review of the movie beforehand. Although I was in the mood for something light and fun, I rallied for DoaP just so I could say that I saw it. Because it's probably banned everywhere except for New York, LA and San Francisco. Which I find kind of silly after watching it. A reviewer in Slate noted that it ends up center-right, politically, and that's true. It portrays the Left as wingnuts and gives a lot of screentime to the Right. Moreover, the aftermath of, er, The Event--it isn't really explored, except to mention something about the passage of a PATRIOT III Act. I thought it was going to plunge into full-on dystopia, but it didn't. Alas.
• I didn't believe some of the accents. They were supposed to be "midwestern," I suppose, since the movie is set in Chicago; but some just didn't ring true for me. Nor for Jacob, who is from the Midwest. I kept wondering where the movie was flimed. It didn't help when someone said "lit-tra-lee" intead of "li-der-uh-lee." I said, "That's RP! J'accuse!" [Snort while doing that pig-nose expression where you pull up your nose. That's a lot of nose!]
• Oh! I just remembered--the trailer for Perfume played during the previews. Yay for perfume! It opens Dec. 27th.
• While mostly somber, the movie definitely had some comedic moments, not all of which were intended. The first was when reporters were at the hospital after ...The Event... and they ask some homeless person what happened in the ER. He says, "First they told us to get out. Then, they told us to get the HELL out." That was funny. Another funny moment: They used some footage of Dick Cheney speaking at a funeral. Whose I don't know, because Sandra Bullock wasn't there and I don't follow events she doesn't attend. Because we're such good friends. Anyway, Cheney says the name and a voiceover says, "George W. Bush." It's so bad--it's really funny. I think the whole theater laughed. The last really comedic moment: Someone in the movie is named Alouicious! No, wait, I mean Aloisius. No----Aloysius. Yeah, I had to look it up. Don't you think that's funny?? Don't you??!? Aloycious!!!!!!! HA!!!!!!!! I thought it was funny. I mean, how often do you hear that name?! I think I actually said, "Whahappah" when I heard it. Either that or I passed gas, and there was no shortage of that, since I've gotten back into the fiber supplement community! Yay! Fiber!! [toot]
  
• I know you're wondering. So I'll tell you. Yes, there were a couple people who clapped at... The Event. But out of a theater of about 50, only one person clapped loudly, and two others very quietly. Which is pretty surprising considering it was the Angelika, that hotbed of conforming rebellion.
• All in all, I thought it was an OK movie. Until I read the Slate review, which pointed out that it was just like an episode of Frontline, which is what I thought it was supposed to be. But Slate said that it should have said something, and, now that I think about it--yeah! It should have! Sometimes Slate is just right on. (Sometimes, however, it's seriously full of it. But those times make for such good radio, don't they?)

And then Sunday it was so windy that I was afeared to go to the station, lest a vengeful piece of debris strike me down, so I planted myself on the couch and xoned out to the House marathon on USA. Yay!!!!! I think that's what really made it feel like a holiday weekend to me; I associate TV marathons with holiday weekends every since I watched the Comedy Central AbFab marathon one Txgiving. How impresborgn: AbFab: witty British lushes cavorting around London; House: a mean-in-a-witty-way American-except-really-British Vicodin-popper cavorting around New Jersey. Somehow I never foresaw the 21st century like that.

Speaking of House, if you like the show, check out the interview with one of the writers on Television Without Pity. You can find it yourself; you're a big gnooplet.

And that was my weekend. As a last note, some searches about that Pantene commercial with Let It Xnow in it landed a couple people on this blog. Wow, I remember that commercial--I hope it gets put in rotation again this year! It's so creeeeeepy, with that autotune-or-vocoder-or-something on the vocal; it really sounds like some kind of eerie Christmas robot coming to kill you with its bulletproof holiday cheer. Good stuff! And that's the beep for now gnooplets.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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The Great Ed Shepp Movie Weekend

Well my roommate is back from his European expedition, and guess what, gbeepners? Apparently Europe is all it's cracked up to be! So I have decided that I simply must see this amazing land. So aiight, who will put me up when I make the Great Ed Shepp European Vacation? I promise I'll make a CD or something out of it and immortalize you in that. Or something. So far I'm looking for places to stay in the following countries: Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal, France, Switzerland, Germany, the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, Norway (preferably Trondheim in June, cux I really want to see that midnight sun thing, and from what I can tell from timeanddate.com, you have it there) and the UK. So basically I'm looking for places everywhere. When am I looking to go? I dunno, sometime in the future. Whenever I have the cash and the spots, I guess! Beep! So that's my call for European couches! Who will answer the call? Who will step up? (I'm so tempted to quote Peaches here, but I shall refrain.)

This weekend was the movie weekend. Friday after my show I went straightaway home and had a date with myself. Which basically meant that I just got some champagne, shrimp & strawberries and watched movies, laughing and laughing whenever the phone rang, because I knew I wasn't picking that up. (OK, the phone never rang.) Anyway, I watched Danger: Diabolik! Now, did I LERV this movie? Hellz yes, I lerved this movie! It was too awesome for words, or at least for English words, so here are some European words: Supermenagerie!!! Superturbooberaffengeil!!! Au dela de la riviere!! And those mean, respectively: "super-menagerie" [French], "super-turbo-exciting to monkeys" [German], and "just around the riverbend" [French], the lattermost coming from a French version of the Pocahontas soundtrack. The film was just amazing--campy, fashionable, etc. It evoked in my mind a little bit of Barbarella and a little Alphaville, but in English. I highly recommend it, and I've decided that I totally want to be Diabolik (pronounced die-uh-bol-ik, not dee-ah-boh-leek, like I originally though). I mean, just look at that cool mask he wears!

I also watched Polyester, which was a typical John Waters movie, except shorter than I expected. I even watched it with the Smell-O-Vision, which, I have to say, didn't add all that much to it. It was funny. I'd watch it again. I still prefer Desperate Living, though. Maybe Polyester just needed more Mink Stole. Hell, what movie couldn't benefit from more Mink Stole??!

Then I saw Pretty Persuasion with my friend Andy on Saturday. It wasn't bad. I guess I would put it in the same league as Heathers, Jawbreaker and Mean Girls (of course, Heathers being head-and-shoulders above all those). Interestingly, the story started out very funny but toward the end took a turn for the melodrazmatical. I would've preferred that it stayed on the black comedy tip throughout. There are some really good lines, though, all of which escape me at the moment. But most are too un-PC to mention anyway (probably why they were so good). In the end I thought the movie was OK, but not the best I've seen in the genre. I found it too hard to believe that the lead girl would be able to concoct the scheme she did and have everything fall into place like that; I also found it hard to believe that someone who could pull that off would ever feel bad about it. Clearly someone so cold-hearted would be a sociopath and wouldn't exhibit the feelings (without anyone watching) that she did at the end. I don't think I gave anything away there.

Then I watched Barcelona on DVD afterward. I have to say it was really, really funny. And not dumb funny either. And you wouldn't believe Mira Sorvino's performance in it either--you completely forget who she is, she blends into her character so well. I highly recommend this film. After that movie ended, I watched a bit of Dune on TV. You have to admit that Kyle Maclachlan was really a looker back in the day. But never more beautiful than when he played opposite Nomi Malone in the modern classic Showgirls.

And that's the beep for now, gneppleroos!

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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Live Coffee Under Bacon

I did my Movies show LIVE last Friday! It was exhilarating! I only messed up aggrediously once; the rest of the mistakes (mostly involving levels) were relatively minor. It was pretty fun. I just might do it again sometime!

I have two ideas that are spectacular, and I'm going to tell them right now. But all rights are reserved, so don't copy them.

First: I want to open a coffeeshop-type place with the following features: super-ultra bright lighting, all daylight-balanced (which has lots of blue); total white decor; transparent coffee or bleached tea or blueberry smoothies--in fact, I think I like the idea of the place just selling everything blueberry }} the whole idea of the place could, in fact, be based on the healthful properties of blueberries. The dominant feature of the place, however, would be the acoustics: I want them to maximize silence and dampen sound in different microenvironments of the place. Like, I would like to have tables set under domes in the ceiling that create "zones of silence," zones in which you can have conversations with the people at your table that don't intrude on other tables (and you don't hear their conversations). There would also be individual seats within their own Zones of Silence where people could read or whatnot. Of course, you probably couldn't create literal silence within these zones, but the point is to reduce the noise created by other people and the city to the absolute minimum. There would, however, be something playing over the stereo system in the coffeeshop, but not loud or distracting music (I detest very loud music in a coffeeshop). I would play very minimal music, maybe even noise music or water sounds, but I would play it softly and only in the background. I think total silence would be far too jarring--people wouldn't want to stay in a place where all they can hear is their tinnitus. So that's an overview of the place. Let's go back to the light for a second, though: it would definitely have to be as bright as possible; it would be nice if it could be 10K lux at most places in the shop, maybe with extra-light boxes at the individual stations. Selling points of light: 1) it puts you in a better mood and makes you more alert 2) it improves sleep patterns 3) it combats winter depression. And because the coffeeshop has so much light, it could sell things like eye formula caps, which contain lutein and bilberry, and whatever else may provide eye support. And bilberry extract could be put into the blueberry products.

One thing I'm unsure about for the coffeeshop is the scent it should have in the air. Whatever it is it should be light, and the air should obviously be purified before adding it. I don't know if blueberry would work, but whatever the scent is, it should work with blueberry or not compete with it. I wouldn't want the place to smell like coffee, but then I wouldn't really want to serve coffee either---maybe caffeinated vitamin water or tea or something. Or at least transparent coffee that would have very litte coffee flavor. Perhaps a transparent aquatic scent would work. Or maybe something green and leafy. Perhaps with a very light, sheer, barely-there floral note. But that's such a small detail.

Second: I was talking with some peeps about waking up in the morning, about how I want one of those sunrise simulator alarm clocks that slowly dims from darkness to full power, and something occurred to me: why not have a coffeemaker that's timed to go off when you want to wake up that makes bacon-and-eggs-flavored-coffee? That way you get the full-on olfactory experience of breakfast (which would get you out of bed), and you also get the full-on gustatory experience when you're drinking your coffee. Honestly, I think that if it could be made properly, bacon&eggs-flavored coffee would be quite good. I think if you're having it with bacon and eggs, you wouldn't even notice the hint of flavoring. That said, flavored coffee in general almost always ends up tasting so bad (it's so acidic; pumpkin-spice-flavored coffee is the only really good one) that this idea might not work. So I tweaked the idea a little: a coffeemaker that goes off when you want to wake up and makes regular coffee, but has a component that you put a cartridge in which creates a separate scent that you experience in tandem with the coffee's aroma. The cartridge could be either: 1) bacon and eggs 2) belgian waffles 3) toast 4) cantaloupe or 5) a combination of the above. There could be 3 or more slots for cartridges. It could be noted that people needn't use the cartridges only for breakfast alarms, and I'd predict that scents like coffee cake and belgian waffles would be popular for general home fragrancing. (You better not be scoffing there! You don't believe that Belgian waffles make an extremely pleasant home fragrance? Check out Crabtree & Evelyn's Patisserie from their Cooks line, or the Grandma's Cookies plug-in from Airwick, both of which smell like Belgian waffles.) (Incidentally, someone tried to shoot down my idea, saying something like, 'Would you want to go around smelling like Belgian waffles all day?' My answer: Obviously, the smell wouldn't be strong enough or heated for long enough to cling to clothing, but even if it were, people 'go around smelling like' Belgian waffles all the time--look at the sales of vanilla-based perfumes like Cake Batter by SmellThis, Vanille/Vanille-Abricot/Vanille-Coco/Vanille-Banane by Sud Pacifique, the Desserts line by Jessica Simpson and countless other gourmand-type fragrances, within which I would dare to include Mugler's Angel, the hallmark of which is its cocoa-vanilla accord. I will also note the reaction many people have when they walk into a yogurt store that reeks of vanilla and cocoa-butter: "I'd LOVE to smell like this every day!" So there!)

There--now aren't those fabulous ideas for products? I'll answer for you: Hellz-to-the-yeah! And that's my beep for now.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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Onkbers

I think I have a new favorite movie -- Willy Wonka! That's not the official title, but that's what I'm calling it, because I can never remember the real title. I saw it over the weekend, and it's amazing. When I first heard about it, I wasn't all about the whole Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka thing (I thought it should be Andy Dick), but it works. It's probably the coolest movie ever until the next coolest movie ever, so everone go out and see it.

Other weekend happenings: I went to see an interview of Martin Scorcese, which was cool, except for the fact that it was hard to hear what he and the interviewer were saying, since we were sitting on the upper level of the theater. The person who prepped the crowd before MS came on stage was Pick Boy, from some show on Nickelodeon that I've never seen. After the interview, I ate at Dojo with Emjee and then we went to this cream puff place in Astor Place. I think it's called Beard Papa. They have a machine there where they take these dough shells and inject them with cream. I totally wanted one. It would be great to have a dinner party where you make all the food with this injector and then give a recital on your theremin.

Wow, I thought I'd have more to say, but I guess I don't. Fish oil does not reverse grey hair.

Beep!
Ed Shepp

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